To My Significant Other,
I’m so sorry that I must put us through this. Getting #Endometriosis was never part of my plan for us, and it has drastically changed my life, some perspectives, and our relationship.
It makes me feel horrible and sad that I can no longer be spontaneous because my daily pain/symptoms vary too much. There are times where I know I will need to fight through it, regardless of how bad they are, but there are some days I just need to rest and take it easy.
I wish I could go back in time and do things that I was hesitant about, like taking more vacations or weekend getaway trips to the city, heck even walking our dog more! If only I would have known or had clues, to know what lied ahead for me; I think I would have lived differently.
I know, it’s not fair to live a life of regret, but it’s also hard to envision a life moving forward when so much of my world is shaken and so unpredictable now. There is one thing that has never been shaken or questioned though and that’s our relationship.
You have shown me support from the get-go and never doubted me, even when I was starting to doubt myself and my sanity. You let me cry when my tests/scans/scopes came back “normal”. You would do little things that meant so much, like turning on my electric blanket or heating pad before I managed to get out of bed. You even opened your mind to more holistic approaches because of my experience with medications and research.
And I can’t even begin to tell you how much that really means to me.
Being #Undiagnosed for months or years takes a serious toll on someone, mentally and physically, then when you finally get your health answers that you wanted for so long, a new journey starts. A journey where you must accept having a #ChronicIllness, how to live with it moving forward, making tough decisions about the kind of treatment you want, finding new happiness within the darkness, and more.
I would like to think we’re halfway there – now that I have more answers than when we first started – but coping and modifying my life is not going to be easy. And it’s probably going to be unfair to you, which I really hate.
I don’t ever want to restrict you from doing things you enjoy. I don’t ever want you to feel bad if I tell you I need to stay behind because of how I’m feeling. I don’t ever want you to stop trying to see if I want to try something to see how it goes. I don’t ever want you to stop being you because I might not be able to keep up.
I don’t want this disease to change “us”.
I know deep down, it will in some degree, but I also know this: We're committed to one another, and we will find a way to make it work. We don't have to give up on us or stop trying because one of us received a life-changing diagnosis much earlier than either of us ever anticipated.
This disease may damage my body, but it doesn't have to destroy our relationship, and I am so thankful it won't because we genuinely love each other. And no disease will ever change that.
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